Emotional Intelligence Is Not a Soft Skill—It’s Your Coaching Superpower
In a results-driven world, the most powerful coaches are not the ones with the most frameworks or cleverest tools. They're the ones who know how to be with another human being—fully, presently, and skillfully. They’ve cultivated something many skip over: emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, isn’t a soft skill—it’s a strategic necessity. As Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, writes:
“In a very real sense, we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels...and the interplay between the two profoundly shapes our destiny.”
— Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
This is especially true in coaching. Clients bring complexity, vulnerability, and emotion into every session—even when they're focused on performance or productivity. If you’re not developing your emotional intelligence, you risk missing the very heart of the work.
Let’s explore ways to cultivate emotional intelligence in coaching, supported by research, practice, and the ICF Core Competencies that define professional coaching excellence.
See Emotion as Data, Not Distraction
Coaching often happens at the intersection of logic and emotion. Yet too often, coaches are trained to lean heavily on questions and frameworks—while under-responding to the emotional current in the room.
In Seven Secrets of an Emotionally Intelligent Coach, authors Lee and Marquardt remind us:
“Feelings are signals that need to be interpreted, not corrected. They point us toward what truly matters to the client.”
— Seven Secrets of an Emotionally Intelligent Coach, Lee & Marquardt (2003)
Emotionally intelligent coaches practice deep listening, tuning into tone, body language, and emotional undertones. They ask:
“What emotion is surfacing here?”
“What is this emotion trying to show us?”
“How does this feeling align with what matters most to you?”
This reflects ICF Core Competency 6: Listens Actively, which involves "noticing when the client has a shift in emotion or energy" and "integrating the client's words, tone, and body language."
Here are a few examples:
“Reflects or summarizes what the client communicated to ensure clarity and understanding.”
“Notices and explores emotions, energy shifts, non-verbal cues or other behaviors.”
By honoring emotional presence, you unlock a richer, more honest coaching space. One where client-centered coaching becomes more than a phrase—it becomes a way of being.
Help Clients Link Goals to Emotionally Held Beliefs
True coaching transformation doesn't come from action plans alone. It comes when the client sees how their beliefs, values, and emotions shape their behaviors.
In The Emotionally Intelligent Coach (Psychology Today, 2014), the author notes:
“Motivation and follow-through are not purely rational endeavors. The deeper emotional ties we have to our goals often dictates whether we persist or quit.”
— The Emotionally Intelligent Coach, Psychology Today
This aligns with ICF Core Competency 7: Evokes Awareness.
For example:
“Inviting the client to explore beyond their current thinking and feeling.”
“Exploring the client’s values and beliefs.”
“Helping the client see different perspectives or new possibilities.”
Effective coaches ask:
“What belief is sustaining or sabotaging my motivation?”
“What emotion do I need to process before I move forward?”
“How does this goal align with my deepest purpose?”
This work builds self-awareness in coaching—a cornerstone of lasting change. As you help clients explore the emotional underpinnings of their actions, they begin to act not just from obligation, but from clarity, authenticity, and desire.
Know How to Be Present When Emotions Rise
When emotion surfaces in a session, many coaches rush to comfort or redirect. But emotional intelligence invites you to stay present and responsive, not reactive.
Parker Palmer writes in Let Your Life Speak:
“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed.”
This is where ICF Core Competency 5: Maintains Presence is essential. The emotionally intelligent coach:
“Remains fully conscious and present with the client.”
“Demonstrates curiosity and manages own emotions to stay connected.”
In practice, it looks like this:
Notice the emotion: “I sense this is bringing something up for you—what are you feeling?”
Normalize it: “It makes total sense that this topic would be emotional.”
Offer agency: “Would you like to explore this further, pause, or shift our focus?”
For example, ICF Core Competency 5 includes:
“Demonstrates confidence in working with strong client emotions during the coaching process.”
This isn’t about managing emotions away. It’s about modeling how to hold space for difficult truths. And that, more than anything, builds trust.
Coaching With Emotional Intelligence: Your Real Superpower
As a professional coach, your ability to build trust, unlock self-awareness, and inspire action will depend on how well you understand and manage emotion—yours and your client’s.
EQ isn’t a bonus—it’s a hallmark of coaching presence, empathy, and transformational work. And it’s backed by multiple ICF competencies:
Maintains Presence (5)
Listens Actively (6)
Evokes Awareness (7)
Embodies a Coaching Mindset (2) — including "developing ongoing reflective practice" and "awareness of how one’s emotions and identity impact the coaching."
As an executive coach and coach educator of many years, I believe that emotional awareness invites us to see beyond, to feel beyond, and to support our clients in going beyond.
So here’s your challenge:
Are you just using techniques—or are you growing the emotional intelligence required to truly serve your clients? In doing so, you provide them with a change experience that is more profound than they could have imagined.
Ready to Deepen Your EQ and Align with ICF Mastery?
If you’re ready to expand your emotional intelligence as a coach, align your practice with the ICF core competencies, and coach with greater empathy, clarity, and power—I’d love to support your journey. Consider joining a Brave Coaching Mastermind.
As a coach educator with over 20 years of experience, I help professional coaches develop both the inner clarity and the outer skills to elevate their presence, deepen their impact, and live their calling more fully.
To discover more ways I can help, visit my Coaching and Brave Leadership Mastermind pages.