Why Is Leadership So Lonely? Here’s How to Bring More Joy and Community Into Your Everyday Life
Leadership is both noble and rewarding. It can also be quite lonely. Whether you’re facing a full schedule that leaves you working around the clock or pressures that others don’t quite understand, it can be hard to feel connected and sometimes even supported.
A few reasons why this happens:
You’re “alone at the top.”
As a leader, you’re typically “alone at the top,” without a large group of peers who understand your struggles. Other employees typically work in a team where they can empathize with each other, solve problems together, celebrate wins together, and even complain together. You have a unique set of problems that you are responsible for fixing, and it may not always be prudent to invite others into that process which can be isolating.
2. Building community is challenging at this level.
You might be surrounded by people during the day, but aren’t having quality interactions. When you are responsible for leading the team and building genuine connection the boundaries may be unclear. Leaders have often asked if it is appropriate to socialize, for instance at happy hour when invited by the team. Many leaders are uncomfortable with this type of connection even though they want to build community.
3. Building connection is important but you are not sure how to get it done.
One way to build connections as a leader and keep healthy boundaries is for you to design or initiate the community opportunities. You may want to have an in office lunch day where you bring lunch in and you all enjoy a meal together. Or, select an off site event that’s both informative and entertaining.
4. Create community outside of work.
Perhaps find a peer group of other leaders at your level of responsibility. This can be done in a leadership mastermind, or another type of group where you and other leaders share a common interest.
The bottom line is that because of today’s all-consuming work culture, leaders are lonelier than ever. Let’s talk about some possible solutions for this problem.
How to Start Feeling Less Lonely and More Connected
Begin by defining and leaning into the community you already have.
Who are your favorite people to spend time with? Are you making time to be with them just for the joy of it? Instead of waiting for connection to happen, intentionally schedule and commit to social interactions.
2. Develop new connections and friendships with other leaders.
Join a networking group that meets in person or attend a conference in your industry, and do your best to genuinely connect. These connections don’t have to become your closest friends (though it’s completely possible!), but having friends and connections with people who are also leaders will help you feel more understood and less alone.
3. Encourage more voices to weigh in on your work problems.
What if you didn’t have to solve all of your work problems by yourself? Chances are, your colleagues and other employees at your company might have valuable insights on what issues you’re facing. Soliciting their help or advice can not only help you overcome problems, but feel more connected while doing so. You don’t have to accept everyone’s advice–you can still use your own discretion–but bringing in more perspectives can be incredibly inspiring and rewarding in more ways than one.
4. Reevaluate your priorities.
Take some time to reflect on how you can prioritize community in your everyday life. Are there areas of work that are taking up tons of time that can be cut down? Is there a hobby or activity you can incorporate into your schedule that will allow you to socialize more frequently? Even subtle shifts to your schedule–like making time for a social hobby once or twice a week–can work wonders.
Final Thoughts
To feel more joyful and connected at work, you need to be more intentional about how you spend your time and how you socialize with other people. Whether you get started by asking another leader to coffee or incorporating more collaboration in your work life, change and more connection is possible. Sometimes it takes a bit of intention as I mentioned and perhaps a mindset shift. I’ve coached many leaders who feel a bit guilty taking time out to nurture meaningful and rewarding connections, but when they do, they are enriched and refueled by the time they spend with others.
Want to talk about it or make a plan?
Visit my Coaching and Brave Leadership Mastermind pages to learn more about how I can help you overcome leader-at-the-top loneliness and create a community that is aligned to your values, goals, and desires to move past isolation into the richness of good relationships.